A Brain-Based Parenting Approach from the Book “Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD”
You want to help your anxious child.
So you reassure them over and over. You avoid the things that trigger their fear. You comfort them when they’re panicking even if it means changing your plans, missing school, or sleeping next to them night after night.
It’s all coming from love. But if nothing’s improving, you’re not alone and there’s another way forward.
Dr. Eli Lebowitz’s program, SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), turns traditional anxiety treatment on its head. Instead of focusing on changing your child, it focuses on changing your response to your child’s anxiety and the results can be powerful.
🧠 The Root of Anxiety: Avoidance
When a child feels anxious, their natural instinct is to avoid the thing that scares them. That might look like:
- Refusing to sleep alone
- Asking the same question 10 times
- Insisting a parent stay close
- Avoiding school, sports, or friends
As parents, we naturally try to protect our kids by accommodating these needs. But the more we accommodate, the more powerful the anxiety becomes.
🚫 What Are Accommodations?
Accommodations are the ways we change our behavior to help a child feel safe:
- Letting them skip stressful situations
- Sleeping in their bed
- Repeating constant reassurance
- Helping with rituals or routines (for OCD)
They work short term. But long term, they send the message:
“You can’t handle this.”
And anxiety gets stronger.
💬 What Can You Do Instead?
You can replace accommodations with a supportive statement that is a blend of empathy and confidence.
Try saying something like:
“I know this is hard for you. And I believe you can handle it.”
This simple shift tells your child:
❤️ “I see you.”
🧠 “I believe in you.”
🚀 “You’re stronger than you think.”
📉 Small Changes, Big Shifts
You don’t have to change everything at once. In fact, SPACE encourages you to choose just one accommodation to reduce first.
Let’s say your child asks for constant reassurance:
Instead of answering 15 times, plan to say:
“I understand you’re feeling nervous. And I trust that you can get through this.”
Expect pushback and stay steady. That’s how change begins.
😤 What About Meltdowns?
Removing accommodations often leads to a spike in distress at first. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means the anxiety is losing its grip.
Your job? Stay calm, loving, and consistent.
You’re the sturdy anchor your child needs to face the storm.
👨👩👦👦 What If Parents Aren’t on the Same Page?
If both parents can follow the plan, great!
If not, one parent can still make a difference. SPACE emphasizes that your child can adapt to change from just one consistent caregiver.
🧭 When to Get More Support
Sometimes anxiety or OCD can be intense and overwhelming. If your child:
- Refuses to leave the house
- Is missing school
- Has intense panic, compulsive behavior, anxiety that impacts their daily life
…it may be time to bring in professional support. SPACE can be combined with other therapies like CBTPT or ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) for maximum impact.
🌟 Final Takeaway
You don’t have to fight your child’s anxiety head-on. You can change your part in the cycle and that alone can lead to major breakthroughs.
You are not powerless. You are not alone. And with the right tools, you can help your child build courage and resilience.
💛 Want More Support?
At Sunshine Child & Family Counseling, our therapists help parents and children work through anxiety with connection, brain-based strategies, and compassion.
➡️ Interested in our parent groups or 1:1 parent therapy based on SPACE?
Contact us here or call us at 678-740-3990. Let’s build a calmer, more confident future together.