Toxic parenting can take on many forms. Many people struggle with the effects of childhood trauma that resulted from toxic parenting. Growing up with toxic parents can affect people well into adulthood.
In the long run, some people will develop anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or other mental health conditions because of mistreatment from their parents. Yet lots of people do not realize that they were exposed to toxic parenting styles when they were growing up.
Certain behaviors might be normalized within your family unit, sometimes for generations. Therefore, it can be hard to recognize that you were treated poorly. Here are a few clear indicators of toxic parenting, and how you may be able to address and process them when you’re ready.
Physical and Emotional Abuse
Any form of physical or emotional abuse constitutes toxic parenting. Engaging in physical abuse is never justified under any circumstance. While emotional abuse can be harder to identify, as it is often more subtle, it can still inflict a lasting impact.
If you’ve realized that you were subjected to physical or emotional abuse as a child, reaching out to a compassionate therapist can help you gradually recover from these experiences and establish a sense of safety and security in your adult life.
Intense Criticism
Every parent has to correct their child’s behavior sometimes. This is just part of growing up. But some children endure unending, relentless criticism for benign actions and traits. Their parents might criticize their hobbies, their friends, their physical appearance, or other harmless characteristics.
If you experienced this, you might frequently engage in negative self-talk. Practicing self-compassion can take some time to get used to, but shifting your self-talk can be transformative.
Emotional Neglect
Some parents do not honor their children’s emotional needs. You may not have been able to turn to your parents when you were upset or needed support. They might not have celebrated your wins with you or acknowledged your success when you overcame challenges.
Even if you told your parents that you were struggling with something, they might have told you to “toughen up” without offering any sympathetic advice or guidance. Learning to ask for help from people you can trust, and to honor your own emotions rather than dismissing them or minimizing them, is key.
Controlling Behavior
Perhaps you grew up in a highly controlling environment. While every parent has to establish certain rules and routines for their household, your parents may have tried to dictate everything about your life, giving you little to no freedom. You might have been expected to maintain perfect obedience at all times, and if you made even minor mistakes, you faced intense discipline.
You may have had trouble handling greater levels of freedom as an adult. Finding a balance between allowing yourself to have fun and taking care of yourself can be a learning process.
Crossing Boundaries
Even children have the right to set boundaries and say “no.” While parents are sometimes put in the position of asking children to do things for their own health or safety that they don’t necessarily want to do, some parents do not respect the reality that their children are allowed to hold boundaries at all.
They may be emotionally enmeshed or codependent with their children, or they may demand that their children share private information that they should not be entitled to. As an adult, getting used to setting boundaries takes time and practice. It all starts with identifying your own needs and getting comfortable protecting those needs.
Are you concerned that your mental health struggles might be linked to toxic parenting in your childhood? Therapy can help. Contact Us to schedule an in-person or online session.