As a parent, you hope that your child is kind and compassionate towards others. But what if you’ve noticed your child being unkind recently? Maybe they’ve been picking on their siblings or bickering with their friends during playdates. Perhaps they’ve said things to you that were hurtful, even if they didn’t fully understand the impact of their words. Their teacher may have even reached out to you to express concerns about unkind interactions with their classmates.
If your child is acting unkind, you can encourage them to change their behavior and outlook. Here are a few tips you can apply to correct these behaviors.
Remain Calm
First, it’s important to stay calm if your child is being unkind. You may feel hurt or ashamed when your child is unkind towards you, other family members, or their peers. However, if you react with anger, your child might respond with the same tone, which you want to discourage. Take a deep breath before you address your child.
Explain How You Feel
If your child says something rude to you, it’s okay to tell them that it was hurtful. Children may not always understand that what they say is considered rude or hurtful. Telling them how you feel is not a guilt trip. If your child said something unkind out of ignorance, they will gradually learn to be aware of how their words can influence others.
Explore the Roots of the Behavior
Sometimes, children lash out because they are simply testing the limits of what they can get away with, or because they genuinely do not realize how hurtful they are being. But at other times, children are unkind because they were emotionally hurt by someone else.
Routine disruptions or environmental stressors can also lead to unkind behavior. Take a step back to figure out why your child is acting this way, and ask your child how they’re feeling.
Establish Clear Expectations
It takes time for children to learn what kinds of behaviors and conversations are acceptable, and how these expectations can differ across different settings. For example, being sarcastic with a close friend might be fine, but saying the same thing to your teacher would be considered incorrect!
Talk to your child about the expectations for their behavior at home, in the classroom, and at friend’s houses, and how appropriate behaviors in one setting might be viewed as rude or unkind in another.
Decide on Discipline and Consequences
In order to discourage unkind behavior, you’ll need to stick to some kind of disciplinary approach and consequences. You do not have to be unnecessarily harsh on your child, but introducing consequences for unkindness can motivate your child to avoid these behaviors in the future.
If they do not learn this at home, they may have trouble forming healthy relationships as they get older.
Model Kind Behavior
Finally, remember that children learn by imitating the adults around them. If your actions do not match up with your advice, they are more likely to take cues from your behavior rather than your words. Pay attention to the way you speak to other people, especially your child.
Are you demonstrating behavior that you would want your child to emulate? Keep in mind that your child might be parroting comments or copying behaviors from other people in their life, like an older sibling, classmate, or other relative. It’s worth considering where else they might have learned this behavior.
Are you trying to foster a kinder attitude in your childhood? A therapist can support you on this journey. Call, email or fill out our contact form to learn more about our child and family therapy services.